Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
