I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
