I got chris browned last night
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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