I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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