well you can't waste a boner
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
