so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
