i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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