about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
