Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize