I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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