I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.