If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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