I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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