I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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