Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
