thus making me awesome and them whores
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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