I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
