Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
