i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
