why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you had me at cake vodka
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
