My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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