All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
