Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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