the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
