Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
