oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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