I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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