drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
splinters make it hard to masturbate
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
