is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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