Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
