Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is it penis luge time yet?
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she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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