This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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