Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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