She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
