her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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