Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
