batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
did i walk over a car last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
