remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
should my penis look like a turkey
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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