it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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