If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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