yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
