the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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