I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
