He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
