But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
