yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
