right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
