Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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