I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
