I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
