So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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