Ambien. No doubt about it.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
