I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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