i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
