It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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