Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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