I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
