Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
