Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
