well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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