We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
