I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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