I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
