im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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