No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
