omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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