She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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