At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
be right there i have to get my cape
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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