one two three fourrrrnication!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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