There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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