We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
