Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
