I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
