hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
