I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
