I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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