I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
