so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
