from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I did not marry a roomba.
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