you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
