Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
