There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
