Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize