There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I've blown a few things in my day
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
