Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
