the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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