i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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