"it" just moved
smell my finger.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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