come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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