6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
