In the future we'll all be gay
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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